This blog post is probably my most heart-felt, comes following much thinking and an appointment with my excellent therapist.
Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy. I have this huge need to prove that I am good enough, that I have done enough and to seek approval. The Woolly Pedlar ticked all those boxes, gave me a focus, and allowed me to show off some of the skills I have acquired over the years. It also gave me an audience which approved and applauded.
However, as happens time and time again with me, I worked too hard, burnt out, and did not allow myself time to just ‘be’. This pattern has repeated itself over the years, with teaching and other work and projects I have undertaken. Why do I feel so guilty about resting, reading or doing anything of leisure? Why am I constantly trying to show that I am good enough?
I tried to sell the business, but it didn’t sell, and I am fine with that. I thought therefore that the Woolly Pedlar still had legs, and I believe it still has. Why not offer my skills and what I have learnt in developing a business to others? After a recent Writer’s Retreat in Tuscany, I was asked to put a proposal together to deliver a course in ‘Getting to Grips with Social Media’ – great, I thought, I can do that! I’ll also give one to one support, make You Tube videos and write a book. All this whilst doing an MA in Creative Writing, keeping house and home together and childminding my granddaughter.
Whoaaaa!!!! Hang on a minute!!
We’ve just finished putting on my daughter’s wedding, which was wonderful, but was in effect a twenty-four hour festival. We are exhausted! My university course starts in five weeks, and I am so busy trying to stuff every minute with worthwhile activity, that I am not allowing myself to space to read and prepare or take any time off before Uni starts.
So, to cut to the chase, I am knocking the idea of social media support on the head (for now). Apologies if you’s hoped to book my services. I’ve cancelled the appointments that were in the diary for the next month. I may still write that book, and I may still do You Tube videos – one day. However, student granny is taking a reading month to prepare for Uni, and will be going quiet on social media. I need to inwardly reflect. I am good enough and I don’t need to be projecting myself into the public eye ad nauseum. I’m off down the garden to read. I have a new craft to learn.
Over and out